(As told to me in the shave chair.)
So one of my mate’s is in my shave chair — one of those blokes who always looks slightly shell-shocked but insists everything’s fine.
He sits down, I wrap the cape around him, and before I’ve even got the shave oil out he says,
“Mate… I can’t win.”
I said, “What’s happened now?”
He goes, “Menopause, mate. It’s like living in a parallel universe.”
Then he tells me this story.
Apparently, the other night, he’s sitting on the sofa with his wife, everything’s peaceful, telly on, cup of tea time.
Being the decent man he is, he turns and says,
“Do you want a brew, love?”
She says, “No, I’m fine.”
So he makes himself one, sits down next to her, nice and relaxed, takes a sip — and she turns to him like he’s just kicked her cat.
“What’s that?” she snaps.
“It’s… tea.”
“Why didn’t you ask if I wanted one?”
“I did!” he says, panicking. “You said no!”
She stares at him, dead serious.
“That’s not the point.”
And that’s when he said the words no married man should ever say —
“I don’t understand.”
He learned the hard way that during menopause, “no” doesn’t always mean no — sometimes it means “ask again, but lovingly, and maybe read my mind while you’re at it.”
We laughed so hard I nearly dropped the razor.
He just shook his head and said,
“Mark, it’s like living with several different women.”
So I told him what I tell every bloke in the same boat:
“Just make two cups. It’s easier. Even if she says no — trust me — make two.”
He nodded, smiled, and said, “Aye. Menopause 101.”
Over the years, I’ve had countless blokes sit in my chair and say the exact same thing — “Mate, I can’t win. Whatever I say, it’s wrong!”
It usually starts with something innocent like:
“You look nice today.”
…and ends with: “So I didn’t look nice yesterday?” 😬
We laugh, but behind it, there’s real truth. Many of us are just trying to navigate this strange phase where our wives or partners seem constantly frustrated, tired, or on edge — and it’s rarely about us.
What I’ve learned after hearing story after story is this:
Don’t take it personally. She’s not mad at you — she’s mad at everything. Her body, her hormones, the exhaustion, the feeling of being a stranger in her own skin.
You just happen to be standing nearest the blast zone.
So when everything you say feels wrong — stay calm, stay kind, make the tea, and remember… you’re not alone.
That’s exactly why I started my new blog Midlife Men and Living with Menopause — to share these honest, funny, and sometimes frustrating moments that so many couples go through.
If you’ve ever thought “Is it just me?” — trust me, it’s not.
👉 Come join the conversation:
#MenLivingWithMenopause #FromTheShaveChair #RealTalk #MidlifeMen
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